Loud Van Lincoln
by hcshannonart
Summary: After reading "Rip Van Winkle", Lincoln experiences something similar to what happens to the title character.
1. 20 Years of sleep

_A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a story in I don't know how many years, so I might need a little help and maybe some suggestions to help this story along._

It was the start of the long weekend, Lincoln Loud was doing his homework, after the hard stuff, he decided to do this English homework.

It was a reading assignment, _Rip Van Winkle_ by Washington Irving. Maybe a nice story would take his mind off the chaos that was always present outside his room. Best of all it was a short story, so it wouldn't get so boring. The story was kind of interesting and somewhat enjoyable. Not somewhat enjoyable, quite enjoyable.

The story about a man sleeping for 20 years, reminded him that Lisa wanted him to test her new sleeping device. He thought it would be a great idea to try it out after reading a story about sleeping. A good night's sleep for once.

Not in this house, getting a good night's sleep was out of the question in the Loud House.

He put the helmet part of the device on his head, which covered his eyes and ears and laid back in bed.

* * *

"Lincoln?" said a voice that woke from his deep sleep and removed his helmet.

"What?" said Lincoln rubbing his eyes "What? Who are you?" He looked up and saw a young woman looking down at him. The young woman was about 20, had short blonde hair and was wearing a pink t-shirt and white shorts. Something about her seemed familiar, but what?

"What's going on?" he said, that's when noticed the first change that had happened, his voice was deeper! Then he felt his face, there was a beard, a real beard, he thought it was a trick and it was pretty obvious Luann might have been the culprit, but it was real! He had grown it himself! It wasn't stuck in place with glue or spirit gum. Did the twins smear their dad's Rogaine on him?

Seeing his reflection in a nearby mirror, there was a not a dweeby preteen boy with prematurely white hair, but a full grown man in his early thirties with long hair and a beard that could get him easily mistaken for a skinny Santa Claus or a wizard from one of those fantasy novels that get turned into big budget film series. Lincoln could not believe he was now a man, a grown man! Was he like Tom Hanks in that movie? Would his mom not recognize him and chase him out of his house? Would he dance on a giant keyboard? Well...maybe not, but still.

The girl in his room ran out the door shouting, "Mom! Dad!, it happened, after all these years he finally woke up!" A much older man and woman came into his room. "Lincoln, you're awake!" shouted the older woman hugging Lincoln tightly by the neck, which she could not really reach. The older man turned to the younger woman, "call all your sisters, Lily! Tell them he's awake!"

Then it occurred to Lincoln, he'd really been asleep for 20 years and that the young woman who had woke him up had been nothing but a diaper pooping, drooling baby last time he saw her! Now she was a young woman on the verge of adulthood attending college and his parents were senior citizens. He was a grown man, a grown man who never graduated from school, never went to the prom, never learned to drive, never went to college, never got a job, he had a just slept for 20 years and missed so many opportunities. What had changed? What had stayed the same? Did his absence from the real world really effect anyone or anything?

Following Lincoln's awaking from his 20-year sleep, his formally baby sister lead him to the bathroom, where she sat him down in a chair in front of the mirror and began trimming his beard and hair.

"How's life been going?" he asked

"Okay I guess, I don't really remember you when you were awake, I was just a baby when you fell asleep"

Lincoln couldn't think what to say to the youngest member his family,

"You're out of diapers I see! uh..what else has happened?"

Lily began...

"Well, it's 2037, the population of the earth is almost 9 million, the environment and government are disasters, like always" she giggled "I don't know if you're ready to hear what the world is like now." She then pulled out an electric razor and began to work on his face, "I actually am more interested in what happened to our sisters?" Lincoln asked. Lily began to catch her "long lost" brother up on what the rest of the family had been doing,

"Well, shortly after she graduated Lori and Bobby were married and moved into an apartment together, I sort of remember the wedding, Ronnie was the maid of honor and our sisters were bridesmaids, and I was the flower girl, and at the reception, Ronnie caught the bouquet and.." Lincoln didn't want to hear anymore and asked about the second oldest "What about Leni?" "Oh, she became a fashion designer and a wood sculptor, she also appears on a reality show, I think a producer assumed she was related to that family who were the first reality TV stars" ( _A/N: I couldn't resist putting in a reference to the REAL Loud Family who starred on PBS's An American Family_ ). "Are we related to them?" Lincoln wondered, "You know I wondered the same thing, and there's a slim chance we might be". Lincoln asked about the rocker of the family "And Luna, what about her?" "She's probably the biggest rock star in the world and she's even been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame" "Don't you have to been around for a really long time to get that" "Not in her case, they haven't inducted the Monkees, though" Lincoln was beginning to think maybe some things haven't changed as much as he thought.

Lilly had finished cutting his hair and shaving his face, next she lead her brother to their parents closet and pulled out one of their father's old suits, ask Lincoln dressed out his of his too small pajamas and underwear and into his suit, he continued asking about the family. "and Lynn, what about her?" "She's an Olympic champion and currently coaches a local kids soccer team," Lilly said that as she pointed to a photo of their sister wearing least 20 gold medals around her neck. "No way!" said Lincoln "and what about Luann?" "She's a sitcom star or well she used to be, she kind of had the fame go to her head and fell in with a bad crowd, want to see her mugshots?" "No, how about Lucy? What's she been doing?" "She's an author and probably one of the most prolific horror writers in the world, she's written so many best-selling novels and she's not even 30!" Lily explained "and the twins?" asked Lincoln "Lana works for animal control and she planning on opening her own reptile sanctuary soon and Lola, well Lola's still Lola, though she's kind of worried nowadays" "About what?" asked Lincoln "Getting old, she's 26!" "That's not old!" said Lincoln as his sister helped him with his tie "In the pageant world it is!" stated Lily. "and Lisa?" "She's probably one of the greatest scientific minds of all time, smarter than Einstein and Hawking put together! Won the Nobel Prize, five years in a row, all before she turned 18!"

Lincoln looked at his reflection, he actually looked pretty good after he was cleaned up. "What about you?" he asked his youngest sister, "Oh, I'm attending community college and living here looking after Mom and Dad" "Lily! Is Lincoln ready? His sisters will be over any minute, now" shouted their mother. "Okay, Mom! we're coming!"


	2. Family Reunion

It had been years since there was this much excitement in the Loud house.

Lincoln sat in the living room waiting for the arrivals of his nine sisters. Lily had just texted their sisters and told them to all to come over for something wonderful, that they were never going to believe, something that had waited almost 20 years to happen.

Lincoln, himself was wondering how much technology REALLY had changed in the last 20 years. He remembered watching a show on TV where a man from NASA had said hopefully in the near future, we'd have super, or turbo, or even hypersonic planes that travel super-fast, faster than the Concorde (whatever that was!) or even the speed of light, but hey, sometimes they were wrong, because when his parents were kids they were told, they'd have colonies on the Moon and/or Mars by the time they were grown.

Were there colonies on the Moon? Was Mars even habitable? It was all too confusing!

Did Lily really tell him the truth? What that really "Lily"? Was he still a kid and Lily was still just a diaper dependent toddler and the twenty-something who helped him get out of bed and explained everything to him, just an actress who needed work, so she answered an ad in the college paper, to take part in an elaborate hoax to trick a gullible boy who'd just read _Rip Van Winkle_ , he couldn't wrap his head around it. That beard was real, his voice has changed, he was taller than his own mother! His thoughts were interrupted by a noise, the sound of a vehicle landing. A weird looking spacecraft landed in their front yard, an actual spacecraft. Not, a fake one from a movie or a video game, a real one! The hatch door opened and a shadowy figure emerged from the capsule, wearing a spacesuit. The figure kind of looked like the one on those awards MTV gave out to music videos (you know those things they use to show all the time, but don't anymore!). Lincoln was a little scared and confused by all this as the figure removed her helmet to reveal.

"Lisa!" shouted Lily as she ran to her sister and gave her a hug.

"Hello, Lily," she said monotonically "Lincoln?" she said turning to the man? "So you finally woke up? Yet another theory that I have proven right!". Lincoln pulled Lily aside and whispered to her "Has she ever been wrong?" "I wouldn't know if you told me, I'm not a genius!"

Than the next arrival came, pulling up in in a vintage hearse, she stepped out, wearing a black 1940s throwback outfit and smoking a long skinny vapor cigarette, her stiletto heels clicked as she walked.

"Hello, Lincoln, I tried to contact you, but apparently you weren't quite dead yet" Lincoln laughed a little "Hi, Lucy, I'm not dead, yet...in fact, I'm getting better!"

Just as Lincoln and his Goth sister shared a laugh and hug, a beat up truck-like vehicle flew up to the house, being driven by a scruffy young woman, next to her was another young woman who looked exactly like her, except dressed in a gown and lots of makeup. "It's the twins!" shouted Lily, running to greet them.

"Hey, Sis!" said the scruffy woman stepping out the vehicle to hug Lily. "Lana! What's new?" said the younger sister, "Come on, Cupcake!" said Lana pulling a leash connected to a very large monitor lizard. "This is Cupcake got him at a lizard expo a couple months ago."

"Awww, hello Cupcake!" said Lily rubbing the large reptile's belly, Lincoln soon joined in on the petting of the scaly creature.

"Ewwww", said the dolled up woman "You actually want to pet that gross thing? I had to sit in the passenger's seat with it!"

"Hi, Lola! Remember me?" said Lincoln "You look...uh nice!"

Lola grabbed her brother and looked him in the eye, "You're not just saying that, because you know my misery are you?" Lincoln replied,"I haven't seen you in 20 years, what was I supposed to say?"

This conversation ended with the arrival of a purple flying limo as the limo lowered, music and strobe lights blared from it. Lincoln watched as his parents and sisters began to chant "Lu-na! Lu-na! Lu-na!" From the limo out emerged a figure of a woman wearing shades and a fur coat with dark brown hair, surrounded by an army of bodyguards and assistants. The woman tilted her sunglasses and a look of happiness came on her face!

"Lincoln! It's you!" She ran to him and put her arms around him tightly!

"Luna?"

"Yeah, I missed you." she said hugging him, again!

"Have we stopped? Are we really here? Are did the cops pull us over? Did you tell them I was clean?" screamed a voice from the limo, an unkempt-looking woman holding a half-empty a bottle of Tennessee whiskey stumbled out "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" she said laughing. Lincoln soon recognized the woman, "Luan?" he ran over to help her up,

"Goddammit, Luan" Luna snapped at at her intoxicated sister and then at her bodyguards, "I told you not to give her that!"

"C'mon, Sis, it was only a little drink, by that I mean a lot!" she said trying to be funny, she was a sad shadow of her former self.

"Sometimes, I regret agreeing to sponsor you!"

"Yeah, you Miss Rock n' Roll idol, it's not like I sold your Grammy to pay my dealer"

"You did!" said Luna rolling your eyes!

"Don't worry, it was just one Grammy, it's no big deal!"

Lincoln looked confused, what was all this? Sponsor? Dealer? It was new to him.

Then another flying vehicle came by and a woman in green came out

"Hey, everybody"

"Hi, Leni!" everyone said

"I've just finished my new masterpiece, a giant wooden Woody Allen to commemorate his 100th birthday"

"Wow, you finally finished it!" shouted Lily!

"What's the big deal about a guy who had sex with his daughter?" said Luan, half-jokingly.

"I don't think that's all he was famous for?" said Lincoln, contradicting her.

"Lincoln, how long has it been?" said Leni with her arms reached out.

"uh, 20 years, I just in my room asleep for a very long time!"

"Wait, were you dead, I thought you didn't wake up when that happened?"

Then, the last vehicle pulled up, it was a minivan and out emerged a woman with short blonde hair talking on her phone, not really paying attention to her surrounding and an athletic looking man with short brown hair.

The man walked up to Lincoln,

"Hey, it's my little bro!" he said with a deep voice, that still sounded effeminate.

Lincoln turned to Lily who shrugged "uh...I didn't know if you were ready to know, but that is Lynn Loud, Jr."

The woman on the cell phone continued to talk "No, Avery, I can't pick you up from piano, your Uncle Lynn and I are visiting your Uncle Lincoln, and tell Madison, Harper, Riley and whoever else, just wait for your father, OK, Goodbye" she hung up and smiled at her brother "Lincoln, has it really been 20 years?"

"How have you been, Lori?" Lincoln said to his eldest sister.

"Oh, my life is so hectic, Bobby and the kids you know"

"Kids?" said Lincoln

"Oh yes, I have some, we're also foster parents, it's so hard to keep up with work and raising them, I don't have time for anything else"

Lincoln was so confused, it was like trying to watch a nine-ring circus, were his sisters better off without him or worse, he had to find out.


End file.
